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LOVE In MARRIAGE
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The excellent word “charity” in God’s Word is what genuine “love” is. We think of charity as the giving out of our resources to unselfishly meet the needs of another. This concept is still relevant in the sense of what love really means. Hence, “charity” here means “the unselfish giving of one’s self in sacrificing what is necessary to meet the needs of another first, before your own!” This genuine “love” is a resolute commitment not just an emotional infatuation or a lust; but a choice to give yourself, to make another reassured and fulfilled. Notice the 9 qualities of this charity type of love:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
“Charity suffereth long (patient) , and is kind (considerate); charity envieth not (generous) ; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up (humility/meekness), Doth not behave itself unseemly (courteous/propriety), seeketh not her own (unselfish), is not easily provoked (good temper), thinketh no evil (guileless); Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth (sincereity); Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth:”
Here are some admonitions and helps to rekindle or keep your marriage alive and well:
In order to uncover the processes that destroy unions, marital researchers study couples over the course of years, and even decades, and retrace the steps of those who have split up back to their wedding day. What they are discovering is unsettling. None of the factors one would guess might predict a couple’s durability actually does. It’s not how in love a newlywed couple say they are; nor how much affection they exchange; nor how much they fight or what they fight about. In fact, couples who will endure and those who won’t last, look remarkably similar in the early days.
Do you and your spouse feed each other a steady diet of put-downs? If you do, your marital ship could very likely be headed for shipwreck. When psychologists Nortarius and Markman studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage, they discovered that couples who stayed together uttered 5 or fewer put-downs in every 100 comments to each other. But couples who inflicted twice as many verbal wounds — 10 or more putdowns/insults out of every 100 comments — later split up. That gap magnified over the following decade until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many cruel and invalidating comments at each other as happy couples. Watch what you say! Hostile putdowns, little, nit-picking comments are like a cancer in marriage. “In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blowups.” U.S. News & World Report, Feb 21, 1994
Twelve Rules for a Happy Marriage. 1. Never both be angry at the same time. 2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. 3. Remember that it takes two to argue. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking. 4. Yield to the wishes of the other–as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can’t think of a better reason. 5. If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good–choose your mate. 6. If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly. 7. Never bring up a mistake of the past. 8. Neglect the whole world rather than each other. 9. Never let the day end without saying at least one kind, complimentary thing to your life partner. 10. Never meet or depart without an affectionate greeting. 11. When you’ve made a mistake, talk it out, admit it, sincerely apologize for forgiveness. 12. Never go to bed angry. copied & edited